Over 30 Hockey League

What’s worse?

It’s that time of the season that everyone hates…, this week we “fall back” an hour for the end of daylight savings and to what seems like eternal darkness. But that’s not the part we’re talking about.

This week your 2023 Winter Season final balances are due..., your Captain(s) have been sent the list of open balances so please check them and “Pay up…, so we can give back.”

So, what’s worse…, losing an hour of sleep or money from your wallet?

Royal Fill-ins?

The Sandbaggers only had 7-players and the Royal Family only had 7-players…, that was until the league’s front office tried to stack the odds and give the Royal Family not 1, not 2, but 3 substitute players.

Mike “Coldcuts” Pasciuto whom for years the league scouts have been trying to convince to him to quit the Malden Fire Department and join the Over-30 League.  Aside from Mikey we’ve seen Chris Torres make another appearance as a fill-in player…, and then up from the ashes rises “Smokin” Joe Carlton making his season debut as a permanent fill-in to make it 10 vs 7.

Without Dave Costa or other team leadership to object…, the League Director quickly scrambled and deputized Ed Nigro as an official “Sandbagger”.

To make a Halloween themed comparison…, here is the two teams comparing their fill-in players.  See if you can figure out which team is which?

Retired?

What do you do when you’re missing your Captain Dave Costa and your team is shorthanded?

You seek the help of the winningest Over-30 and retired player Ed “The Rock” Nigro to fill in.

Last week we watched Ed sprint downstairs and return with his hockey stuff…, which made us ponder this;

Why is a “retired” player showing up at Hockeytown with his street hockey equipment and then filling in?

Why is Ed’s equipment not in his shed or donated to Goodwill bin (since he’s supposed to be retired)..., or was he visiting Billy to donate his equipment to the Over-30 Hall of Fame for an exhibit of “Early man and his hockey equipment”

Regardless of the reason…, Ed just proved that even as a retiree he still wins.

Oh and Ed.., you’re not getting another retirement party. No more gifts and goodies.

Like Bill Belichick would say “We’re on to Joe Shannon”

Italian “Sub”

When you have a team of Italians you might as well get an Italian “Sub”.

So, what does that make Mike “Coldcuts” Pasciuto… a sub, a grinder, a hero, or as the Italian say; “Sang-which”? 

Mikey was a sub…, he definitely a grinder..., he tried to a hero when he scored the second goal…, but in the end he was just another tough “Sang-which”.

Root Cause?

Chris Torres is making a good impression on the rink with his hockey skills…, but being a referral of Tim “Tito” Burke we might have to question if “Tito’s” nominee has the “stomach” to be in this league.

Last week Chris filled in for Royal Family and he looked good up until about the last 2 minutes of the game when he started making a beeline to the bench with full cheeks…, and that distinct motion of holding back his stomach contents.

So, the Leagues Front Office wanted to investigate the root cause;

• Did actual playing for the Royal Family make him sick (like the fans watching)?
• Did Hecklers Row scare him (like so many other players and goalies)?
• Did “Tito” give him an unsanctioned “Player of the game” bottle (pre-game)?
• Did Jeff Deharo blame him for “Screening him” and that upset Chris?
• Did the smell of Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana finally get to him in the third?

The one good thing is that Chris cleaned up his own mess on isle #1

#BillDeharo

We checked to see if #BillDeharo was trending and unfortunately no one gives a shit (including the man of the hour).

You’ve seen the shirts by now and you might even be one of the lucky and proud 20+ players to receive one.   #BillDeharo is the subject of a proposed bet between some defensive players.

The premise was Jason Carrien (Goals) vs Bill Abcunas and Mike Naczas (Total Points) but one of the three…, let’s say “Chickened out”. 

So, then we offered up Jason Carrien (Goals) vs Bill Abcunas, Mike Naczas and Dan Broderick (All 3 Players - Assists Only) and still someone “bawked” at it.

Unfortunately for Jeff Deharo who was the original first ever player to turn down a challenge and is now infamously linked to one of those 4 players (which for legal reasons we cannot say his full “clucking” name) but to make matters worse Jeff doesn’t even have a family member named Bill Deharo (but he is the proud owner of a new tee shirt).  Hey Jeff, try wearing it under your goalie equipment today and see if it changes your luck.

Tube Man

Just in case you missed it…, Jason Carrien bought one of these from Al Harrington last week.

PED’s

We expect players like Mike Duggan, Paul Sequeira, Rob Sheridan to be amongst the goal scoring leaders…, but Pedro Fontes you need to pee in a cup next week.

The league is looking into an anonymous tip that you are using PEDs (Playing an Eager Dominic Style) of hockey.

Whatever flavor Kool-Aid or Black Magic Juice Dominic DeFrancisco is making you and the rest of the team drink (Drink up!) it’s working!

The only “Black” mark on Black Magic’s season is that controversial OT loss to White Lies…, otherwise it would have been another season of Dominic running the table undefeated.

Recount

Mike Duggan wants a recount.  The player formerly known as “The Player Chasing 30” says that teammate Manny Nunes was credited for one of Mike’s goals. 

On paper aka the game sheet, Mike has 4-goals, but he insists he didn’t assist on Manny’s goal… he scored Manny’s goal and Manny assisted.

We would go check the video review…, but that would add an additional $500.00 to each players dues to install the new equipment and another hat Mike Naczas would probably be tasked to wear.

However, when you score that many easy goals on Sean Roach maybe you let Manny keep one. Unless Manny wants to turn himself in and admit he didn’t score…, or maybe Mike (just Andy Pettitte) he too “misremembered”?

While we have your attention Mike…, you should lower your expectations bar from 30-goals to maybe a 20/20 season and join that club.  Then go for 30-goals next season.

Spelling Bee

Your word is “Lackadaisical”

Pronunciation: lack·a·dai·si·cal - /lakəˈdāzək(ə)l/

Meaning: lacking enthusiasm and determination; carelessly lazy.

"Taking a lackadaisical approach can jeopardize the success of a project"

Use it in a sentence:  Steve Taddonio is playing some real lackadaisical hockey lately.

We’re not sure if watching Scotty Rosato currently residing in the #1 spot that Steve used to own when (he) played with Dominic DeFrancisco is affecting the now #2 goalie.

Maybe Steve is still coming down from his undefeated high and finally leveling out.

Same Team!!?

Pat Pirone has missed so many games this season that he doesn’t even know who his own teammates are.

Last week we watched Pat who is the king of the “Offensive Zone Penalty” run by one of his own teammates (in the offensive zone) and slash the stick out of his hand. 

The referees didn’t know what to do… Do you call Pat for a slash on his own teammate?  Technically it’s a slash which is punished by a penalty.

Smokin' Joe

“Smoking” Joe Carlton has made his way back to Broadway on Saturday nights.  Joe is going to be filling in for Gary Goodwin for the rest of this season while Gary is on IR.

Is it an upgrade for the Royal Family?  Joe has always wanted to play with the Paisano’s but we’re not sure if he knows what he’s getting himself into…, or as they say “Be careful for what you wish for”

As for Gary and his upper body injury update…, let’s just say when someone says that Gary “has a screw loose” they could be talking about his head and/or now his wrist.

Good Luck Gary… we all wish you a speedy recovery.

Winners and Losers

With the only doubleheader of the season behind us…, who were the weekends team winners and losers?

Certainly, you must start with Black Magic (Winners) in both of their games and staying on the top of the standing’s mountain.  The Sandbaggers (Winners) fought off getting “Sandbagged” by the league for the use of illegal players and they too won both of their weekend games.

Unfortunately, there were also losers in the standings…, White Lies (Losers) scoring 5-goals on Saturday, but then they let up 7-goals with awful defense. They tried to rebound on Sunday and played a better defensive game for two periods but then the wheels fell off and they tossed two games in the dumpster. 

The Royal Family (Losers) are also the other team to drop both games over the weekend and are now fighting “mano a mano” for the basement seed.  Jeff Deharo spent Saturday yelling at his team to focus “less on offense and more on defense” after they lost 4-2…, but then on Sunday they play better defense, but they cut their offense by 50% with a 2-1 loss.  So which is it?

Ticket Stub

Is Jon Picard the victim on the cover of Sports Illustrated jinx (NBHL Edition).

The SI cover jinx is an urban legend that states that individuals or teams who appear on the cover of the magazine will subsequently experience misfortune (or is it).

Jon appeared on the Rattlers ticket to the big show in Philly…, and during his first game disaster struck ending his tournament and eventually leading to the team losing in the semis.

Pic has asked that the Leagues Front Office issue a statement regarding him when he is in the facility. 

Over-30 League Memo:  We ask that while our employee Jon Picard is on duty or roaming the rink that (you) please refrain from touching his shoulder.  He (Jon) is trying to recoup and come back to Refereeing fulltime and missing calls.  Until then he will be assigned to screwing up the timeclock and shaving valuable seconds off each game.

For his safety and recovery, please do not Hug, Pat, Slap, or High-Five him until further notice.  Thank you for you cooperation ~The Over-30 League

But seriously... he asked to please not touch him as there is still a lot of discomfort.