Over 30 Hockey League

RIP Undefeated

The “Undefeated” Roadrunners are done!!

It’s over..., it’s finally over!!

The last of the endangered species the “Asian Long-Legged Roadrunner” said to be the fastest of all the Roadrunner species is no more.

Last week Garvin Chan was the sole survivor of the 2023 Spring Season Undefeated Roadrunners to finally meet his undefeated demise.

I know what you might be saying..., “We’ll Doug Morand was on that team and he hasn’t lost in the two games he filled in for”…, although technically a correct statement. Doug wasn’t a 2023-2024 drafted player as he opted out of the draft this past summer.

So technically he’s not a rostered player..., which means we don’t care.

But as for Garvin..., he was smart to miss Week #1 and outlasted his former Captain Dominic DeFrancisco, the “Portuguese Angry Roadrunner”…, which is speculated to be the fiercest and most competitive of the “Birds of Prey”.

So what’s next for Wile E. Coyote..., we’ll we will let him tell you…, if you have a few minutes;

2023 is Done

Ok, we’ve toasted all the losers…, so let’s stop celebrating with “Spark-plugs” until the 2024 Spring Season when the last team to go undefeated (loses!).

We can repeat that “Spark-plugs” tradition for the next 30-years or until the next undefeated team makes their way into the record books.

It's over... unless you're Gary Goodwin... tell them Gary;

Next Generation

Now let’s celebrate worth celebrating…, the next generation of (Ummm) “Over 30” Over-30 Players.

Dan Poirier Jr.., is the future of the league (when he finally hits 30) and is an official “Over-30” player.

Last week the young gun “allegedly” buried 4-goals and was all over the place both offensively and defensively.

Dan’s efforts earned him the Dunkin Donuts player of the week..., but before he could even accept the award..., the leagues front office received this email:

“Hi Bill,

I was just looking at the webpage this morning and saw the DD player of the week. I appreciate the honor; however, I had 3 goals not 4. Todd Bryson scored 2 goals in that game. 

Just wanted to make sure Todd got the points he earned! Todd was a big part of that win and a big part of a few of those goals!

Thank you, 

Dan Poirier Jr”

That’s what the league likes to see…, honesty about points (and without begging for them).

Dan, the scoring sheet has you down as scoring 4-goals.., if you want to give one to Todd Bryson then just like in the NFL he has to pay you the equivalent of your jersey number. So, if Todd pays you $11 we’ll reverse the goal.

Until then…, enjoy your free Dunkin Donuts coffee or chocolate milk.

That’s a Plus!

Way to go Mike Naczas…, you scored two goals on both goalies last week.

Switching between forward and defense the Assistant League Director scored his first regular season goal since the Spring 2018 season when he was with Blues Brothers.

Then we thought he scored another goal on his own goal…, but sources say his Goaltender Dave Giusti was flopping around life a fish in his crease and ended up kicking it in himself.

However, we did some further digging and the last time Naz had 2-goals in a regular season was way back in 1999 (Season 8) with the Bushwhackers.

So there you go Mr. ALD…, you have a personal goal for the last remaining 10-games on the season…. Score another goal before the playoffs and play like it’s 1999 again.

Our only lingering unanswered question is:  Prior to Naz scoring did Dave Costa or Derek Donegan shout "Get me the assist"?

Hot vs Warm

White Lies has now successfully taken out the #1 and #2 teams consecutively to initially become the only “HOT” team after Week #5 but that lasted for only 1-day.

It was a call from a high-ranking league official that complained about Black Magic being labeled as “WARM” after Week #5 and spinless employee caved to league pressure to move them back into the hot column.

New Nickname

Rumor has it there’s a new nickname from Hecklers Row floating out there for a prominent player who tends to be on the “Chippy” side.

Without naming names..., let’s say he wears #5, a helmet and goggles…, and here’s some background for the new nickname.

To quote Wikipedia:

(He) was a favorite among the fans because of his status as an overachieving underdog.

(He) was remembered for his all-out effort and willingness to do the "Dirty work" that many players do not embrace.

(He) usually wore a thick moustache and thick-rimmed black glasses, prompting Lakers announcer Chick Hearn to nickname Kurt Rambis "Superman".

Whoa… Whoa…, Whoa.., we are not giving Bill Abcunas the nickname of “Superman” that was reserved for Rob Sheridan when he played for Justice League last season…, but we are going to refer to him as “Bill Rambis”

Nice work Hecklers Row…, You never disappoint!!

Goal Celebrations

Doug Sedille scored his first goal of the season with some spin looking move…. Showing these young kids how to “Do the Dougie” that he made popular back in the 80’s.

Now go score a goal preferably against Donny Maccini (who hates goal celebrations) and show him what it looks like when a legend of the game and a former Bushwhacker scores a goal.

Husband in Training

Recently engaged Mike Duggan knows when he does something wrong, and he jumped right into the Doghouse (aka Penalty Box) as good practice for his future marriage.

While trying to break out of his own defensive zone. Mike shot the ball directly into the defensive netting (formally known as “Suretting”) and without skipping a beat or an argument…, Mike hopped right into the penalty box (soon to be the couch) when you get a penalty at home.

50% Loss

Speaking of Mike Duggan and in particular his engagement photo. A Forum reader pointed out that Mike and Rachel were both wearing matching black vests…, which could explain Mike’s performance last week when he did nothing during his team’s 3-1 loss to Black Magic.

After you're married you give up 50% of your accumulated assets…, but apparently during the engagement you lose 50% of your hockey skills.

What’s next Mike?

Substituting your pre-game drinking with Donny Maccini for a Starbucks Venti Pumpkin Spice Latte with Oat Milk and 2 Sweet and Lows?

Doubled GAA

Poor Jeff Deharo..., even before the disastrous start to his game… Jeff was taking shots from Hecklers Row about missing goaltender Scotty Rosato.

When asked “Where’s Scotty” a heckler replied “He’s home keeping his GAA down like Jeff used to do on the last week of a season during a tight goalie race”

Scotty was still reeling from the fact that White Lies more than doubled his Goals Against which was 0.67 before the loss and 1.5 after the loss.

That’s not how the GAA stats work Scotty…, just because you stayed home that won’t bring your average down. You’re going to have to shut down Lee Nogler and his tied for #2 in scoring (Sandbaggers) team this week to lower your GAA…, (So yeah)..., good luck with that.

U-G-L-Y

Hey Angelo De Luca…, why don’t you and the rest of the Royal Family try doing this…, bring it in pre-game cheer.

Officially Jeff Deharo takes the hit on his personal stats..., but that was some ugly hockey between 8:15 and 6:29 during the first period against the Tealsters Union.

So ugly that you took the earliest timeout (non-late goalie getting dressed) related in the history of the league.

Nothing Is Over!!

So what exactly did Angelo De Luca say during the earliest timeout ever to address his team going down (horribly) just minutes into the game??

We’ll that “Mo-Ron” and his speech almost worked (somewhat)..., because the Royal Family (family members) tried to fighting back against the Germans…, by making it a 5-3 game. But in the end, it was a Trojan Horse full of Tealster’s that sealed their demise.

Stonefeet

Since Gary “Stonehands” Goodwin shattered his Pink Shirt Challenge by scoring 7-goals and he’s currently tied for 2nd on points for his team…, we might have to switch up Gary’s nickname after what we witnessed last week.

Last week we watched “Stonehands” streak down the right wing and just a split second before he was about to rip his 3rd goal of the season…, when out of nowhere and without anyone around.., Gary tripped himself before he could even get the shot off.

Almost like he was wearing a pair of Paisano Cement Shoes…, Nice footwork “Stonefeet”

Leo Getz

Leo “Getz” Trombley is notorious for missing easy goals and open nets…, now add breakaways to the list of hockey plays that Leo doesn’t “Getz”.

Leo..., you’re playing with Rob Sheridan, arguably one of the most talented players to ever play the game. Ask him how he does that pinpoint top corner backhand shot that he makes look so effortless.

But then again…, is that a “teachable moment” or is that just gifted talent?

Burned!!

Jeff Deharo takes it..., sometimes he sprays it back..., and sometimes he gets in a good one-liner.

Last week after “Boooooo’s” and mock cheers rained down from Hecklers Row…, Jeff had one simple question for those standing and passing judgement on him from their glass houses.

Jeff shut his critics with 5-words…, “Did any of you win?”

Because of this political world we live in..., we had to fact check Jeff’s question before posting it so it wouldn’t be flagged for disinformation.

Dave Costa and Mike Naczas (Nope!)..., they lost 6-4 to White Lies. 

Mike Duggan and Donny Maccini (Nope!)…, they lost 3-1 to Black Magic.

That a boy Jeff…, they’re no better than you..., you’re all losers!

5-Week Recap

Finally…, we like to wrap up each 1/3 of the season with a what did we learn segment.

So, what did we learn after everyone played each other once?

Black Magic is the real deal posting 9 out of the 10 possible points in the win column, and we’re pretty sure Scotty Rosato is using PED’s.  Las Vegas has them as even money to be one of the two teams in the finals on December 30^th

Sandbaggers lose a #1 Draft pick but “Sandbag” another #1 pick with Paul Sequeira.., but for them to be fully effective Paul and Lee Nogler need to be in the lineup.  So far newly appointed Captain Dave Costa is living up to the challenge with his team in the #2 spot (but things change quickly in this league).

Tealsters Union is another team that could find themselves playing December 30^th if Steve Taddonio goes on another run of limiting their opponents to 2-goals or less.  On paper Johnny Kelleher is the Captain on the team…, but Rob Sheridan is the leader on the floor and he’s leading by example.  In fact we think Rob might throw his hat into the 30-goal club race.

Marooned is playing like a middle of the pack team…, but the spotlight is on their youngster.  Mike Duggan once had a chance to join the 30-goal goal club, maybe even break the single season record of 35-goals and maybe even start his own 40-goal club.  But then the Topsfield Fair came to town and these 4-words “Will you marry me” derailed his scoring train and Marooned chances to make it to the finals.

White Lies has a lot of scoring power on that team…, for them to be successful it’s a simple mathematical equation:  Score more goals than they let up as a team.  If they get far into December…, they definitely have the talent to win the big one.

Royal Family spent their first third of the season desperately spiraling out of control before finally landing in the basement.  The key to their success when you are struggling defensively is to play more offensively.  What does that mean?  It’s simple hockey…, get the ball out of your zone and play in theirs.  Don’t lose battles or cough up the ball in the high defensive zone.  You hear it all the time “Get the line and get it out”

With that said… we’ll recap the second third in a month and see what changes.